I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
