boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
