I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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