I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
