just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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