i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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