doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize