i think my tv is drunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
