I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
