Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
