my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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