pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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