Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
