I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't notice because vodka
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
