She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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