Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
