I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
