Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
