So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i have two assholes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
