dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
