Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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