Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
