Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
