Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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