I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
