Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
