Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize