dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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