Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
