look no pants
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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