Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
