i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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