I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize