It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
There's even glitter on my cock...
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