Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize