do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
