im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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