You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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