Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
