I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
