just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
