I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
