i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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