I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
