I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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