It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
