I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
