I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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