Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
