I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We got so high we made milksteak
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
