pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
