I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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