I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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