Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
