you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
