i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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