some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
