At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize