I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
