Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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