man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know her cup size but not her name....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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