but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish you could order shots online.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
