AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
